I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
