More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
There was a lot of him and a little penis
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Randomize
