Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
