If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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