She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
