Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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