dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
