I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
