hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
