Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
handjob tips. give me some.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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