Where is the hickey?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
