In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
