he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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