why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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