I'm gonna have a badass scar
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
