dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
