You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
