READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
