You made me cry and you don't even care
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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