you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
