every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
