look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
