worst night to have a conscience
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
