Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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