you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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