birth control should be required to get into college
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
