when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
