I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
