I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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