if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
