I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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