i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
