Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
