"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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