Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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