Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
