I like to think it a success when the cops are called
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
