I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
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shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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