You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
