he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
my poor anus
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.