alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
