I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
