Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Is it penis luge time yet?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Randomize
