so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
