To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
