I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
