I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
