Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
