I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
