don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
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the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
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Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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