when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
