Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
