The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
