I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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