What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
