I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
