Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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