I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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