I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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