I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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