I got chris browned last night
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
