Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
