Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Randomize
