i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
