Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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