some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
These 19 Sad People Chose Video Games Over Sex
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying