I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
