Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit