Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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