I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....