I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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