Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?