Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
