Please don't use social media to get back at me.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.