I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out