First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
