Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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