I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
