Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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