i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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