I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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