can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
