Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
