She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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